Memories Of Amell
by MouseMage
Summary: Series of Oneshots of Amell and her comapainions during and possibly after the Blight from different characters POV. PLEASE READ ZOMBIE BEFORE READING! and R&R Thanks
1. First Impressions

_**Disclaimers:** I do not own Dragon Age it belongs to the awesome Bioware and their awesome team of writers!_

_**Spoilers:** PLEASE READ **ZOMBIE** BEFORE READING, Ties in to my other story The Path of the Mage, possibly Stolen Throne and The Calling.  
_

_**Author's Note: **After writing the piece Zombie I had the idea of doing a series of oneshots looking at the memories of the characters that appear in The Path of the Mage story. Many of them will focus on during the Blight, from different characters points of view but I may do some during the gap between the birth of River and six years later. This one is of Cullen and Ami's first encounter of each other. _

**First Impressions**

Ami was seven years Cullen's junior but age never really mattered. When he had first came to the Circle he had just finished his training and was barely sixteen. Ami was nine. The first time he met her was dealing what would become known as the 'birthday incident', something he was never likely to forget. He had to take charge of her after she cast at Jowan for putting a toad in her satchel. Apparently it had been a birthday gift but Ami hadn't obviously seen it like that. The little scamp had been running away down the hall with the golden curly haired girl hurling lightning bolts at him when they caught her. They laughed about it now but at the time Ami was a regular in Greagoir's office and frequently in trouble for some prank or another. It was one of the many reasons why Greogoir had little patience for her. Cullen had to deal with overseeing her punishment this time, the first of many.

He didn't understand why they had to dust though. It didn't seem like a punishment but that was before he had seen the Upper Library. He cranked his head slowly back as he saw the sheer extent of the height of the shelves and the five floors. The bookcases, Cullen noticed, were at least three men high with giant vertical ladders that ran alongside them. They all centred around the outside of a large study area and within the centre of the first floor the Librarian's desk sat in the middle. The upper floors followed this similar pattern but instead of having a roof seperating each floor they were all open plan so one could look up at the huge candle chandelier that illuminating the huge space. The library was extensive and the amount of knowledge it must contained was leaving him astonished.

"You've got to be kidding me. She has to climb that?" he said, pointing to the towering height of the shelves. "What's supposed to stop her from falling?" he asked the senior templar that showed him to his new post.

The templar shrugged and bid him a good evening before turning to scold the little blonde girl behind them. Cullen watched as the templar cocked his head at her before speaking softly.

"You need to stop this little one." He pointed a finger at her. "You'll soon reach an age where this won't be the punishment and it'll be a cold damp cell for you. Be good with ser Cullen or I'll hear about it."

Cullen was astonished at her lack of respect for his fellow brother as she folded her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Yes ser Bryn. Go," she nodded to the door, "off with you and have fun playing with your statues."

The templar huffed a chuckle then ruffled her hair before leaving the two. Cullen remembered he had his helm on when he first saw her and he regretted it. That first time she had just been a hazy blonde mass that took off down the hallway after the other apprentice. Now, since he didn't have it on, he could see her for her true form.

She was tall for her age and the first thing he noticed was her bright sparkling blue-grey eyes that had a fierce quality to them, much like Senior Enchanter Wynne's after he met her. Then it was her hair. There were curls everywhere and it was swept back into two long pony tails with a rogue curl that fell at her face. He chuckled to himself as he watched her blow it out of her face. She stood there in her blue apprentice robes her arms folded and her hip cocked out to one side waiting for something. She was a rebel that was certain and had an air of defiance about her; Cullen couldn't imagine her without it.

"So?"

"So? What?" Cullen replied, looking at her. The mage just closed her eyes and sighed.

"Aren't you going to tell me which cases and how many cases I have to dust?"

"Huh. Sorry I've not done this before." Cullen said shifting his feet.

"Oh yeah." A sly smile crossed her lips and she looked him up and down. "Your one of the new ones."

"The new what?" Cullen frowned, he was confused.

"Templar's of course." She laughed. "It's good I've met you now, you'll probably see me quite a lot."

Cullen had always wondered what she had meant by that. Had she meant it as innocently as she had said? Well of course she had, she was nine at the time but was she really predicting the future?

"Well if that's the case I guess I should know your name." He smiled back.

"Ha. I'm not going to make it that easy for you ser templar." She flashed him a cheeky grin and added, "If you don't know it already I'm not going to tell you? What's in it for me? What do I get for it?"

Cullen had grinned at that. This mage was a cheeky one and she seemed to be one for mischief and games. "How about we make it a game then?" he offered. "A question for an answer, you ask me a question, I'll answer and vice versa."

"That's an old game," she complained while rolling her eyes then sighed. "I suppose I should start easy with you. You'll be chasing after me at some point because of Jowan eventually!" she threw up her arms and huffed. "That idiot is constantly getting me in the rub!"

"So it was this Jowan's fault? Not yours? Why not tell them that?"

He remembered the scowl and look of disgust after he had said that, it made him laugh every time he thought about it. At the time he hadn't, he'd thought he'd offended her, especially after what she had said.

"Cos we're mages, you don't tell on your fellow mages. We're family," she pointed at him then, "you wouldn't tell the Knight-Commander if you caught one of your brothers with his hand in the cookie jar, would you?"

Cullen was old enough to read further into what she actually meant. She might not have understood the implications of what she was possibly meaning at the time but the morality behind it was a grey area. He had heard of sly visits to brothels and the overlooking of certain activities. And he said as much.

"Depends on the cookie jar and the brother's motives."

The look she gives him was priceless and is another locked in his memory. A look of pure confusion and annoyance crossed her expression. Her brow furrowed, her lip curled in a way that was between a smile and a scowl but her eyes showed complete lack of understanding and sweetness that made Cullen chuckle. She had no idea what he had meant, or what she had implied for that matter.

"What?" she frowned and raised an eyebrow at him. "You're a strange one Ser Cullen," she shook her finger at him and walked to the first shelf of books. As she had walked passed the large desk a number of apprentices walked by, none of them paying much attention to either her or Cullen. They were just another mage being watched closely by another templar.

She sighed and looked up at the case, "I suppose I should get started then."

"Yes you should, I'll tell you when you're done," Cullen replied, turning back into his position at the door, watchful of the little mage.

She huffed and slowly ascended the steps to top of the shelves. As she began her climb another set of apprentices had walked passed, these three had stopped and looked up at her. Cullen noticed one of them speak, a female elf with short cropped brown hair, and she carried a large number of books and appeared to be shaking her head at his charge.

"In trouble again?" the elf exclaimed. Cullen watched as the two other apprentices shook their heads at the elf's declaration. The blonde girl didn't seemed too bothered by them and smiled at the elf.

"Oh Surana! It was Jowan again." She grinned and put her hands on her hips while balancing her weight on the ladder to look at the elf. "You know me though, I can't let him take the fall all the time, otherwise he'd never learn any of his spells!"

The Surana girl didn't seem impressed and Cullen watched as she shook her head and put down her books to give the girl a reprimand that he didn't hear before grabbing her books and walking off. His charge seemed to snort as the elf and her companions walked away. Cullen was interested and walked forward, taking a position a few feet away from the bottom of the bookcase.

"Friend of yours?" he asked. The girl didn't turn but continued to dust the top shelf.

"What Surana?" she shook her head, "no. She's Irving's favourite, though she wouldn't get anywhere if she didn't have me to practice with."

"So she is your friend." Cullen surmised.

"I suppose in a way, but not like me and Jowan."

"The boy you cast at? He's your friend?" Cullen looked at her sceptically as she turned to regard him.

"Yes," she shrugged, "I don't know why but he is. My _only_ friend for that matter."

"_Riiiiight_," Cullen said sarcastically, "and you said I was the strange one."

Half an hour passed and another set of apprentices hurried past. All of a sudden Cullen heard a clatter and then a smash as one of the apprentice boys tripped over the hem of his robes and went flying across the floor, book, vellum and ink everywhere. As Cullen walked forward another apprentice, not seeing the spilled ink slipped and crashed into the base of the ladder that held Cullen's charge. The ladder leaned dangerously to one side then swung to the opposite before falling to the floor. In the seconds it took Cullen to move the girl screamed as she fell with the ladder. Then thump. He'd caught her, just in time. He looked at her as she held her eyes firmly shut just inches from his own face. The boy who had slipped had already run off along with the other who'd tripped and made the mess. But Cullen didn't really care. As the girl opened her eyes, realising he'd caught her, he was lost in the beauty and fierceness of her eyes. When he felt her breath on his lips his mind kicked him into realising how close they had actually ended up. Cullen cleared his throat and set her down gently and unwrapped his protective arms from around her.

She stared blankly at him, her mouth open in shook but he watched as her eyes looked directly at him trying to probably figure out why he'd helped her. Cullen needed to clear the now awkward silence between them and rubbed the back of his neck while he stuttered out a sentence.

"A-Are y-you a-alright?" _why_ was he stuttering? He had no idea.

His words seemed to shake her out of the shook at being saved a trip to the infirmary and she replied quietly.

"Yes, um thank you."

"I-It w-was n-nothing," he said hoarsly, _why?_ "Don't worry about it. I'm sure o-one of t-the others would've done the same," he replied, now for some reason his neck had begun to feel like it was on fire. Then he noticed the sly smile across her face and she lowered her eyes from his.

"_No_, they wouldn't have," she replied quietly, shaking her head then she looked back up at him. "You're a rare sort ser Cullen. Kind."

Cullen hadn't understood that comment until much later but at the time it hadn't bothered him like it did now. She had said this before he had been consumed in his infatuation and not in the love he now felt, when he was still bound by his blind faith. It was the time of his innocent, naive foolishness. Circle Templar's were supposed to be vigilant, unwavering and distant. They were not kind, generous and friendly, or at least they were not supposed to be. As Cullen looked at the mage in front of him he couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for her. He may be young but he wasn't stupid. She hadn't chosen to be a mage much like he hadn't chosen to be a Templar. So he told her as much.

"Well I didn't choose to be a templar. It was made for me."

He watched as her eyebrows rose and then fell as she glanced away. A small smile played on her lips and she then held out her hand to him.

"Well, from one outcast to another I bid you welcome to the Tower," she smiled and Cullen took her hand giving it a firm shake. "May you never have to strike me or my friends down."

Cullen sniggered and tilted his head, "May you never turn apostate, turn abomination or use blood magic against me."

The impish grin returned and Cullen saw the cheeky glint in her eye. "Well I can safely say that two out of three will never happen."

"Good," Cullen said. "I'd hate to stick a sword through a friend."

"Amell." She said hurriedly.

"Sorry?"

The girl sighed. "Amell. My name. It's Amilia Amell."

Cullen's smile widened and he bowed his head. "Pleasure to meet you Miss Amell," and his hold over her hand tightened in responce.

"Ami."

"Huh?"

She grinned, "My friends call me Ami, ser Cullen."

"Miss Ami," he corrected.

She grinned playfully and shook his hand again. "You really are new. You'll either love me or hate me by the end of the month, of that I can assure."

Cullen had just chuckled, "Well hopefully neither, I don't think Greagoir would appreciate it. Friends only."

Ami scoffed and folded her arms. She narrowed her eyes, inspecting him closely and then tilted her head. "Maybe, we'll have to see."

Cullen chuckled and shook his head. "Don't push your luck Miss Ami," he shook his finger at her. "I may be your friend but there are rules, remember."

He nodded to the shelves and gave her a silent command and catching his eye Ami let out a huff. She walked back to the ladder realigning it against the shelves and began climbing back up again.

"Well I guess that means I've got more shelves, doesn't it," she said while looking over her shoulder at him.

Cullen grinned and pretended to think about it which infuriated her. He chuckled as she sent him a disgusted look and he shook his head.

"You know, this will go smoother if you just calm down. You never know I might actually be good company."

The girl let out a shrilly snort of a laugh and bit her lower lip. Shaking her head she spoke, "A templar, good company? Who'd have thought such a thing existed!"

Cullen chuckled. "Back to work mage. You've three hours left of this punishment then it's off with you back to the apprentice dormitories."

"Humph!" answered Ami. "Be that as it may, I'd rather sleep in here!"

"Why?" Cullen asked.

Ami went on to tell Cullen about the numerous apprentices, especially the older ones, who snuck out, got into trouble, got caught doing 'intimate things' and the various other nightly activities that went on. All of which resulted in little to no sleep for the other apprentices. Cullen soon discovered that the most 'intimate things' that Ami knew about had involved her, unexpectedly, walking in on two mages kissing in a cabinet which happened to store the ingredients for her healing classes. When she commented about what his cheeky grin meant he had to avoid telling her the truth that there were more … erm … intimate acts than what she had witnessed but thankfully he was able to avoid that topic. She was too young to know them and it was sweet.

The time soon came for her punishment to be over and Cullen noticed the dark haired boy standing at the doorway of the library. He was obviously waiting for someone and kept looking in Ami's direction.

_That must be Jowan_, Cullen thought.

"Ah the little scamp has turned up for me!" Ami said as she slowly descended down the ladder. She walked up so that she was standing only a few feet from Cullen but close enough to for only him to hear.

"Thank you ser Cullen," she smiled. "You didn't have to save me but you did and," she blushed and looked at her feet, "and I just wanted to thank you."

Cullen smiled and nodded. "Goodnight Ami. Try not to get into too much trouble with him." He nodded to Jowan and grinned. "Otherwise we'll be seeing a lot off each other in this library."

Ami looked up at him then, "Is this going to be your post?"

Cullen nodded and watched as her cheeks flushed more and a sly grin appeared.

"Well I think you'll be seeing me more anyway, ser Cullen. I practically live in this library."

Cullen shook his head and then indicated the door. He watched as she walked over to Jowan, clipped him around the ear and before leaving the library turned and gave Cullen a smile and a nod. Cullen returned the gesture before returning to his post for the remainder of his shift.

Little had he known that in a matter of months he'd be completely under her spell. It was as she had predicted, in one month he had fallen for her. Not quite in the way he had now but he had fallen for her in the naïve way of a templar infatuated with a mage.

Who knew that this little mage would help change the course of history and the survival of a nation.


	2. The Breaking of Ties

_Those who have this on alerts, this isn't the new chapter, thats chapter one! lol Thanks_

_**Disclaimers:** I do not own Dragon Age it belongs to the awesome Bioware and their awesome team of writers!_

_**Spoilers:** PLEASE READ **ZOMBIE** BEFORE READING, Ties in to my other story The Path of the Mage, possibly Stolen Throne and The Calling.  
_

_**Author's Note: **After writing the piece Zombie I had the idea of doing a series of oneshots looking at the memories of the characters that appear in The Path of the Mage story. Many of them will focus on during the Blight, from different characters points of view but I may do some during the gap between the birth of River and six years later. This one is of Amilia's POV as she goes through the Circle of Magi during the Broken Circle Quest. **  
**_

**The Breaking Of Ties**

The newest Grey Warden recruit looked around her former home watching as the templar's scurry about like mice. To her left one helps care for another while to her right two help barricade the door to the rest of the tower. Fear is potent in the air and what is behind those doors she knows will be testing but what stands before her grates more on her self control than anything behind those huge oak doors. It takes everything in her to not just turn on her heels and walk straight back out of the tower.

_Let them deal with the abominations and blood mages, I'm no longer tied to that leash anymore_, she thinks. But the ex-templar at her side and the life of an innocent, albeit foolish, boy is resting on her shoulders now. Reluctantly she swallows her pride and decides to act professional towards the monster before her. But it pleases her that at least she is free and has a choice now.

Greagoir stand ahead of her. As usual he looks harried, stressed and above all, _really_ pissed off. Ami allows herself a small smirk before composing herself as the Knight-Commander turns to notice her and her merry party of wonderfully odd companions. The look of pure disgust and hate is enough to give her reason to smile for weeks that just her and her companions' _presence_ has sparked this amount of reaction from him. But there is nothing like the present to get on with things and Ami is straight to the point about why they are here and what they want. She doesn't want to be here longer than she has too.

Greagoir isn't pleased and that isn't at all surprising to her as she tries to resist the urge to roll her eyes as he goes _on and on_ about abominations and such like. As if she doesn't have enough problems already, with the Blight, a bounty on her head and her fellow Grey Warden, who has _also_ just mentioned in the past few days that he is a _prince_. Yes, Ami doesn't have enough problems without Greagoir pointing out the significant flaws in her plan. Eventually the urge to rub the bridge of her nose at the templar's ramblings becomes too much and Ami snaps at him.

"I'll sort your problem for you since you are such hypocritical lackley to do it yourself!"

That shuts him up. For about two minutes before he starts spewing more abuse at her and bringing up the whole Jowan thing, again. _Seriously_ if she hasn't already had to explain _that_ to her fellow companions she'd swear she was stuck in a time loop constantly going over and over the same point and arguing with him at every moment. And _that_ would be her idea of hell; she does not want to take over from Irving and have to argue with _him_ all day. Does he really think she actually wants to be here? In this blasted maker forsaken excuse for a 'place of learning'? With him? So she says so and _that_ does shut him up and he finally lets her and a few of her companions enter the tower while the rest, she reluctantly tells to help the templar's.

Amilia Amell does not want to be here. The memories of her former home are thick and fast coming to the front of her mind. And Jowan, someone who she has tried desperately to avoid thinking about is around every corner now as old memories surface. In the one poignant look she shot at him back at Redcliffe castle after agreeing on the course of action, she had sealed his fate. _I will deal with __**you**__ later_.

Now twice because of that idiot friend of hers she was back in the tower under Greagoir's supervision. But then it gets even better because they come across Wynne and Ami can't help but feel that the Maker is having some laugh at completely her expense. The old mentor is glad, _apparently_, to see her alive and wants to follow them. Ami does her best to not show her exasperated expression and agrees half-heartedly for her to follow. She also agrees with Morrigan even if she doesn't exactly say it. _It's better to have more allies in this place than fewer_ she thinks; _this **is** the tower after all_. But if Greagoir was one thorn in her side Wynne was the other and of course none of her companions are helping her. Alistair is just standing there, Leliana is looking about, ever watchful about the place and Morrigan as usual is complaining. She hasn't stopped complaining since they left Redcliffe, actually, since they left Flemeth's hut and Ami knows that once Wynne joins them it will be a pairing disaster and no doubt the grey haired hag won't leave even after the tower is saved, the women is just like that.

Fortunately there is little time for much conversation after they begin to walk through the tower and Ami is glad about that. She really doesn't want to answer Leli's questions about her memories of the tower, though many are pleasant the last few are a painful reminder. As Greagoir had said abominations and demons were stalking the tower and it takes Ami and her companions a few moments and trial and error to figure out how to actually take them down. But they soon fall at their feet as they slowly climb up the tower Alistair announces that they are getting pretty good at it. His humour is a small respite from the horror that has befallen her home but Ami has other things on her mind. By the time they reach the templar's quarters Ami is becoming a little more worried. She hasn't seen Cullen. Not his body or anything of him as they've walked through the tower and the thought sends her skin tingling.

Their final goodbyes had been an exchanging of relieved glances as he, Duncan, and Irving rescued her from Greagoir and his poker. Alistair had tried talking to her, to distract her from the haunting memories of the tower but it was futile. When he makes a joke about the tower and mages flirting with templar's Ami abruptly stops and shoots him a dark look before hissing at him, her hands clenched tightly with a tight ball of electricity in her palm.

"You have no idea what you're talking about Alistair," she growls. "You've never set _foot_ in the tower; you've never lived with mages and templar's in a small space." She looks down the hall and points to one of the bodies, one she unfortuantly recognises. "_That_ is Ser Bryn. I thought of him as a friend once." Then the tears come, easier than she expected but she's started now so she'll be damned if she isn't going to finish. "He used to watch me during detention when I got into trouble but he always had sweets and gave them out to the younger mages. _This_ was my family." She turns on her heel and walks the next few feet into another room ignoring his attempts at an apology.

Seeing Niall on the floor being, _eaten_, is a memory that Ami knows will never leave her, one of many now. The demon that hunches over him sets Ami off and she launches the ball of lightning she's still holding. It doesn't do much but get the monsters attention and then all Ami can do is suddenly feel like she needs a well earned rest. She shakes her head, twice to rid the feeling but the demons words which are somehow soothing, no creature like that should have soothing words it was just, wrong. It doesn't matter in the end because Ami soon finds herself wrapped in sleeps warm embrace and nothing, nothing seems more blissful than this.

The next time she opens her eyes she finds herself on a bed. A large big bed with a proper mattress that's not lumpy like her old apprentice one and not hard like the cold ground she's been sleeping on. Something stirs next to her and she freezes and her eyes go wide. A mantra of things run through her head but one name quite clearly sounds in her head over and over.

_Please don't be Zevran; please don't be Zevran, anyone but Zevran, Alistair, Sten, anyone, just __**not**__ the perverted elf!_

Gathering her courage she turns over and looks at the sleeping red head next to her and gasps.

It's Cullen and he's asleep, naked, next to her. _Oh Maker you are evil_, she thinks. Because this _has_ to be the time she dreams of Cullen in her bed when there are _so_ many things to do. Even though at the moment she can't think of a single one, _strange_ she thinks but then she shrugs the odd sensation away and looks at the demigod next to her. Ami can't help the sudden mischievous thoughts that run through her head and she grins. She takes a peak under the covers to actually _see _him and the sudden rush of blood that runs to her cheeks does _nothing_ to help dampen down the excitement that's beginning to flame up in her belly. It's _then_ she realises that she's also naked and that just makes her cheeks burn brighter. Her rustling and apparent squeeing gently rouses the carefully sculpted figure next to her and sleepily he opens his eyes and looks at her with a contented smile that she's never seen before.

She doesn't know how long passes but there are two warring thoughts running through her head that concern her. For once in her life she is happy and content but even that has her concerned. Her logical mind screams that this isn't real that no one could ever be _this_ happy and content, the world wasn't like that not while monsters roam. Darkspawn! She remembers, there are monsters called Darkspawn and … and an arch demon! Her head feels fuzzy but now she is certain, something is wrong.

Another part of her screamed that Cullen would never, _never_ cross this line and she knows that. She knows Cullen is a loyal templar. _Templar_, she scoffs _mindless Zombies_. But she also knows he's not a mindless Zombie, he was Cullen her rescuer. _Greagoir_ she thinks and the memory comes haunting back and she shivers as she realises this is the fade. After a number of attempts she finally escapes and goes in search of her companions.

Everyone is reluctant to leave their dreams and Ami almost feels sorry for them, taking no pleasure in making them leave. Afterwards, however, Ami and her companions have the chance to vent their anger at the demon itself. They return to the real world a little worse for wear and jaded. Ami above everything else is angry, furious; the demon raised by the blood mages had delved deep into her thoughts and shown her, her true feelings. She walks with purpose now, determined to see an end put to the complete chaos that has befallen her home.

But around the corner and through the door to the stairway to the Harrowing Chamber a caged figure stops her in her tracks.

Her heart breaks as she see's him there pacing and muttering to himself. When he looks up to see who approaches it's like he doesn't see her, or know her.

"Cullen!"

All propriety is left behind at the door as she runs up to the cage. She recoils as she is zapped by the cage falling a few feet away on her back. A grunt of a laugh from Alistair earns him a dark look as he helps her to her feet but anything else he says is ignored as she walks back to the cage. This time she looks about to try and figure out how to get to him to free him.

"Cullen," she smiles. "Oh it's so good to see you! Hold on I'll help get you out!"

She paces around the edge of the cage, judging and her mind fervently trying to work out how to bring this barrier down. As she glances back at him she see's his scowl and he folds his arms.

"This trick again! I won't be fooled!" he growls making her take a step back.

"Don't you recognise me?" she whispers.

"Only too well." He confesses, his expression sad and lost. "How deeply they must have trudged through my thoughts. Using my—my- _ill-advised_ _infatuation_ with her—with _you,_ Ami-against me. A mage. The one thing," he gasps, "the one thing I always wanted but could never have."

Ami ignores the gasps from Wynne and Leliana and looks at him. _He doesn't see me_, she thinks and she hears Leliana say something about being tortured and Ami feels her heart tear a little more. She searches his face trying to get his amber eyes to recognise her, even a little, but it's no use. He can't see her.

"Cullen, Cullen it's me. It's really me." She pleads.

He bends onto one knee and clasps his hands together and starts to pray.

"You defeated my brothers but I will stay strong! For my sake – for theirs!"

Ami watches as he begins to cry and all the strength in her legs fail as she slumps to her knees hearing that sound. She feels helpless because she knows no amount of magic or spells can free him and it looks like he's only getting worse.

"Cullen, Cullen listen to me." She places a hand on her chest and the other just a little away from the cages edge. Channelling some magic into her hand she presses it against the barrier so she can rest her hand on the shimmering barrier. "I'm real, I'm really here. What have they done to you?"

There is disbelief in his eyes as he looks up at her. She knows he's unsure what to believe, if this is a trick or if it could be true. She whispers his name again and she nods as his eyes widen that she is in fact sitting there talking to him.

"Why?" he croaks. "Why have you returned to the tower?"

"The Blight sent me and when Greagoir told me what happened I couldn't stand by. I had to find you and the others."

He scowls and growls at her. "To think I once felt sorry for the mages!"

The look she gives him is one of sorrow and hurt and she knows he feels it strongly. The way he stares at her makes her stomach turn in flips and not like the way the sloth demons Cullen had done. This look is one of hate and anger and _so much_ rage it takes her a moment to realise she's let him see her weak as she feels her face becoming wet with silent tears.

"We're not all evil Cullen," she says, only loud enough for him to hear but the templar looks at her with disgust and anguish his sanity on the knifes edge of falling away completely.

"Only mages have that power! Only mages are that susceptible to the whisperings of demons! You have to kill them all!"

Ami stares at him in horror. Her Cullen would never demand her to end the life of an innocent but then, she has never been trapped and tortured with his face and demons taunted him with her face. He has and has suffered for how long? Hours? Days? _Damn Greagoir for not protecting him!_ She thinks but then remembers that Cullen would run in to help and save the helpless regardless and this is how he has been rewarded. With pain and torture and _my face_ haunting and teasing him, that is his reward? Uldred, Uldred will pay, oh he will pay and _that_ she makes clear but when she tells Cullen that she needs the First Enchanter he condemns her compassion.

"I hope you haven't doomed us all!" he yells after her.

Ami has never felt such heart felt pain in her being before. It feels like part of herself has been ripped from her and it takes all her skill at hiding her feelings to push on. She grasps at anger and rage, those emotions giving her strength as she marches her troops up to the Harrowing Chamber to meet the enemy. She makes a point of slapping the blood mage in the face with her staff before he has a chance to speak his poison at her. She takes pleasure in hearing the crack of his nose breaking and the intake of breath from her companions. The battle is long and Ami is tired of fighting, the battle with Sloth has drained her of the large amount of energy she had but she refuses to give up until the corpse of what was once Uldred, mage of the Circle sits at her feet. They have won but not without cost.

Irving is dead and Ami hears the wail of grief from Wynne. The young Grey Warden is tired and slumps to the ground to catch her breath on the steps of the harrowing chamber, no-one approaches her. When Alistair eventually does, at the urging of Leliana she barely notices. The ex-templar takes a seat next to her and they sit in silence for a few moments before Ami gets to her feet and tells them that it is time to see Greagoir.

He doesn't take the news well which surprises her a lot. Perhaps she was wrong to call him a Zombie but then the scars on her legs remind her that no, in fact he is and always will be a monster. Wynne is the senior mage now but it doesn't matter she of course wants to go with the Wardens, no surprise there. What is surprising is that Greagoir offers both the mages and the templar's help in the fight against the Blight. Ami doesn't know what to say but 'thank you' and it's a 'through-gritted-teeth' sort of thank you. But Greagoir is a little different now; he looks deflated and less foreboding than he used to be which is a little disheartening. What is even more shattering for Ami is Cullen's ramblings about mages being abominations-in-wait and the look he gives them disturbs her. It's a crazed scary look and thankfully Greagoir shuts the idea down but not without Cullen spouting off his own thoughts and cursing them all for their blindness. He finally turns his fierce gaze on Ami and glares at her.

"I don't care what you think!" he says taking a step towards her. "It was the stupid fancies of a naïve boy!"

It takes a moment before Ami realises she's shaking, his words have cut her deeper than any darkspawn blade, deeper than any piercing arrow his words have cut through her heart, pulled it out and thrust it into her hands. It takes another moment for her to realise that Alistair and Morrigan have both stepped forward and are shouting at Cullen, defending her. Alistair defends her more and tells him that Ami just saved his sorry ass. It isn't till later that Ami finds it amusing that he said it but at the moment she is numb and in shock. The way Cullen just looks at them all in disgust and walks away makes her heart sink. Ami keeps her eyes on his back as he walks away and then she lets her eyes drop to the floor. She doesn't hear what else they say to him but she doesn't want to _be_ in the tower any longer. She stretches her hands feeling the familiar tingling between her fingers if she concentrates on the feeling she could bring the ceiling down, she could end the ache thats in her chest. She quickly clenches her hands, feeling her nails dig into the palms and her entire body tense. She won't let that demon out; no it can be of better use to fighting other demons, darkspawn.

She hears Alistair and Wynne talking to Greagoir in the background. They were organising the restock of their supplies and giving them information about the situation at Redcliffe. _Good, they can do without me_ she thinks and so she makes to leave the tower. Leliana follows her but the perceptive bard begins to distract her with mindless talk of shoes and dresses as she links her arm around Ami's.

The mage doesn't look back to the tower once the doors close behind her. The wound of her first love is too deep and too fresh to have anything but a bitter taste in her mouth. She doesn't _ever_ want to come back here. She's a Warden and her duty is to them and the protection of Ferelden, sod the mages and the Templar's or rather one templar in particular.


End file.
